Day 11: Moments

Today is a hard day, and I can’t seem to focus at all.

I found myself talking to my therapist, originally wanting to talk about some strategies towards taking some healthy strides in my life.

My mom and I are talking again, it’s only in small moments-but it’s more than before.

I’ve taken steps towards establishing boundaries where once there were none, and it’s opened up an entirely new world..a kind of scary world.

Along with that, have been the missteps that I’ve read about-where someone who has never really had boundaries can often go to extremes to start.

Yep, definitely me.

Instead of talking about these healthy goals, I was rattling off the last month of things that happened to me-things that really weren’t that important.

At the end of it all, I felt like I’d wasted my hour, all of my anxiety had resurfaced, and I spent the rest of my day keeping myself calm and on the verge of a panic attack.

For someone who has been taking some great strides, I know there will always be the days where things will hit me a little harder-and the weight on my chest makes it hard to move, and I feel paralyzed.

I hope on those days, you can be just a little patient with me..and wrap me up in your arms until it passes.

I also hope that if I’m working, you’re just a phone call away, because your voice brings me comfort like no one else.

Maybe this is what comes with feeling things intensely.

The inability to sometimes pull myself out of a hole, sometimes good-and sometimes not so great.

You are my stupid little lifeline, and when I say that-I truly understand what they mean when they say support system.

We can’t always do this alone, we sometimes might need help, and it’s okay to ask for help.

For now, just be here with me.