Day 5: Love and be loved

It’s a difficult thing, balancing life,and it’s even harder doing it alone.

I’ve found that every time I’ve come to a balance, I find myself meeting someone who throws me off balance.

Looking at a scale, when you put something on one side-and not the other-what happens the side with more weight?

Well-obviously it tilts.

I find myself tilting this way and that, teetering off balance and eventually falling off the balance beam of my life.

Now, in past experiences I found myself often times compromising things that probably could’ve benefitted me if I hadn’t.

I made a lot of choices that at the time I believed were good for my relationship, and that I believed would ultimately benefit me in the long run.

In a sappy, romantic sense..it seems sweet.

But, in a realistic sense..it was more sacrifice than compromise.

I hope that you have learned your lessons as I have, and found your way to me with a balance-along with the open mind to think of ideas and strategies to make sure that the addition to our lives doesn’t throw us off track.

I have finally taken the time to sit back from my recent hurt, (at least for a temporary moment) and started thinking of a plan for my life and what I want it to look like.

I have finally started thinking this way-but alone, and on my own.

I have realized that things need to change, in order for things to really change.

Breaking the habit of my past is what will eventually lead me back to self-love, but also success and progress in areas I have always overlooked, including dating people that weren’t good for me.

There is so much to be said about dating people who remind us of what we have experienced in the past-both the good and the bad.

In my case, in a few ways-fear of abandonment, not being good enough, narcissism, and instability are things I encountered growing up..and things that I seem to be attracted to.

It’s interesting to see the way my dating life has shifted over time, and how each time I find myself in a relationship..I find myself wondering if I took the time to see if this person was someone who had the traits I was looking for.

Most times, the traits have been quite the opposite..and usually never seem to leave me (well, they generally do) feeling successful.

I hope when I find you, that I am in a frame of mind that has done the hard work to get myself out of this vicious cycle..and into one that accepts nothing less-and gives you nothing less than you also deserve.

I hope I can be 100% the opposite of the things that have torn me down and apart-and all of the things that will bring me back together.

I can’t wait to find you, but I need to-because I need to find me.

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